Take Me Back To The Start
by WhatIsYourDamage
Summary: A collection of one-shots. In a perfect world, where just getting through your time at Shiz University was the biggest worry anyone had, what happened behind the scenes that allowed the relationships between students to further develop?


**Author's note: I'm really excited to be back, and to finally be publishing more work after so long. The whole idea of this fan fiction is to tell short stories from the perspective of the main characters, during their time at Shiz University. These instalments will be completely unrelated to each other. But, I can't do this without suggestions from the reader. If you have any ideas you would want to see depicted in a chapter, absolutely feel free to send me a private message with your idea enclosed, they'll be a pleasure to read. Furthermore, if anyone wants to send over a better suggestion for a title themed around nostalgia for being back at Shiz, please feel free to send that along too. Thank you so much for your time.**

* * *

For the most part, she could tell when it was going to happen.

For the most part, Elphaba could tell that it would be of those days where she would become instantly aware of the heaviness set deep in her chest from the moment she woke, the feeling of anxiety instantly hitting her. On days like that, she knew it was all leading up to an attack at some point. And it was agonising, just _waiting_ for it to finally happen, especially when the waiting made it more and more fear inducing, the build up only forcing her to struggle more. But it was a fair warning. All she had to do, was desperately try to work out when exactly it would hit, and how she would manage to get away from whatever public area she was in to soldier through it alone.

There were some days, however, where there was no warning; where all of a sudden, the alarm would hit like a bullet to the chest, and some form of excuse had to be made in order to bolt out of the area to avoid embarrassment. Both scenarios were just as stressful as each other.

Today would be the latter.

One thing the raven-haired girl had managed to succeed in, however, was hiding it from her... not-quite-a-boyfriend? Person-who-she-tolerated (more than she'd care to admit)? A friend who alternated between somewhat genuine compliments that tended to make her blush, before giving snide remarks that earned him a slap?

The point was, she hid it from Fiyero.

And honestly, Elphaba held the fact that she had managed to conceal all of her attacks from the Vinkun Prince with pride. And for somebody who certainly allowed curiosity to get the better of him and stick his nose in any current situation, Ozdamnit, it was an achievement!

Granted, it wasn't Elphaba's bright idea to spend any more time than necessary with the boy. "A Prince, attending Shiz University, Miss Elphaba!" Morrible had explained to her many months ago. "We simply cannot have him fail, just imagine the reputation it would give our humble school! It would _tarnish_ it, Miss Elphaba, _tarnish_ it! Now, that's where you come in, my dear..."

Over the endless weeks of tutoring and assisting the boy, she had begun to discover that he wasn't as much of an asshole as she initially thought. She had shared a few laughs with him (which she had tried to stifle with all her might), he had shared his random musings with her, whatever happened to pop into his head at that moment in time. And, she had watched him progress, along with their friendship, the more she educated him.

He wasn't stupid, is what she was trying to say.

The way Elphaba saw it, if she were to let herself break in front of him, Fiyero would never see her as the individual woman she was again, and shelter her from everything in constant fear that the emerald girl would have an attack and hold him back, ruining his reputation or embarrassing him. Of course, he could even be as malicious as to expose her. _"Do you know that the freak freaks out? Just when you thought she was enough of an outcast!"_

Would Fiyero really do that? She would like to think not. He might not understand, but surely, surely he would have a trace of sensitivity? Ozdamnit, there was a change within the boy recently. He was, dare she say it, respectable. Anxiety, it was playing tricks on her, imagining those horrible scenarios. What a horrible cycle. That anxiety had some nerve.

"Elphie!" The shrill voice of the student's animated roommate projected from the bathroom, bouncing around the walls. Suddenly snapping to attention (not realising the time due to being so engrossed in her book), Elphaba checked the time. 8:00am. Of course, she was awake and ready two hours prior, but this was early for the blonde girl.

"Whatever has gotten you up at this hour, Galinda?"

"I'm going home!" The girl announced, twirling out of the en suite, her baby pink skirt flowing with her movements, as she flounced over to hug her best friend. "My final exam ended yesterday so I have a carriage arranged to take me back to the Upper Uplands for a few days to catch up with everybody." Once Elphaba was released from the pink-manicured clutches of her roommate and best friend, she offered her a genuine grin, grabbing her bag and standing up to walk out of the building with her.

"-And what about you, Elphie? Aren't you going to miss your very bestest friend in the whole world?"

She hadn't been paying attention. The shorter girl, who had happily been bouncing along next to Elphaba on their journey had been eagerly listing all the things she was going to get up to, and all the people she was going to see, as Elphaba nodded along and smiled, happy to see her friend in such a bright mood, especially after her relationship with Fiyero had come to a halt just a few weeks after Elphaba began tutoring him.

"Of course I'll miss you, Lin." She responded with a fond roll of her eyes, giving her a final hug as her transport could be seen in the distance, slowly bounding around the corner. "But I want you to have fun."

"What about you? You've just spent all your energy making sure I'm okay after what happened a few weeks ago. And I'm fine! What's done has been done," Elphaba squinted at the girl. For someone who claimed to be marrying the Prince a short time ago, she seemed genuine.

"Besides! In mumsie's last letter she told me that we have new neighbours! And they have a son!"

Ah, there it was.

"But then after you helped me get over that, you got so engrossed in passing your exams which I know for sure you'll score top marks in. And you're so determined to get Fiyero to pass, that you don't see that anyone who tries to get in-between you and your ambitions is gonna be sorry they tried." That earned a chuckle for Elphaba.

"I have to make it work Lin. I want to get a good score, and I have to make sure Fiyero does too. If he doesn't, it's on my shoulders. It's my responsibility to get him a good grade."

"Hey. Not everything is your responsibility." The girl squeezed her hand, looking up at her roommate. "You don't want Fiyero to pass so it looks good on you and the school. You want him to pass because you know he's genuinely worked hard, and you want him to know he's capable." She flashed her a knowing smile. She had hit the nail on the head there.

"You get yourself home and relax. It's over for you, you deserve time off."

"So do you!" The blonde called out, hopping into the carriage. "You and him only have one exam left, and Oz knows you've worked hard enough."

"We'll soon see."

"Yes, we will." The girl replied as the vehicle began to pick up a steady pace. _"Think positive!"_ The girl yelled after her as it began to take off, waving frantically.

* * *

"Last exam! How are you feeling about it?" Fiyero grinned as Elphaba headed into his dormitory, shutting the door that was swung open. To give credit to the Vinkun prince, he was already sitting at his table, a few textbooks strewn over the oak surface, along with loose sheets of paper and a small collection of pens. He threw an apple in her direction, and after catching it perfectly in one hand, she placed it gently down onto the table as she made her way over, not feeling particularly hungry.

"I'm fine." She shrugged nonchalantly, fishing out her own textbooks from her bag.

"It's just like Professor said, he wants to ease us into this class carefully, the exam won't be anything we can't handle." The tall boy droned on as she sat on the edge of the dark wooden chair, hunched over the desk as she picked up a pen, twirling it in her fingers.

"None of us have taken the class before," He nodded, picking up a pen of his own, beginning to write down a title, already scribbling down what they had learned in the last session, trying to test his memory.

"So he says mistakes are to be expected and he's not too worried for us at this point, so you don't need to fret about..."

Was he _still_ talking?

"Fiyero! I'm fine. I've been studying for this for months, I'm ready for this. I should pass this." She nodded, looking him in the eyes. He stared at her, analysing her facial expression, unsure of how to react.

"Yeah, I know," He smiled, placing an arm on her shoulder (surprised that she didn't flinch or shrug him off), looking down. "I know you'll do it. You just... you try too hard," the boy concluded, proud of his observation. "You think it's all on you because you put all your effort into trying to help other people."

Elphaba shrugged. She knew if she had opted not to help, Morrible would have her head on a stick. All things considered, she was glad that she was given the opportunity to get to know Fiyero better during the months of rigorous work, realising that no matter how shallow and self-absorbed he pretended to be outside of his dorm when he was on display to everyone, there was a brain in his head. And (dare she say it), a sense of humour, even.

"I don't mind," She said, because she didn't. "Don't worry about me, worry about getting yourself a passing grade. You have the potential, but you haven't sat that examination yet."

"Look, thanks for the pep-talk, but it'll be great. I learned from the best." He grinned cheekily, taking the apple left on the table and biting into it, shooting her a thumbs up. She chuckled at his somewhat geeky mannerism.

* * *

After quite some hours, Elphaba must have fallen asleep, as when her eyes slowly shifted back into focus, she was aware of Boq sat in the background, musing over a book.

"Welcome back," He joked, smiling softly as she looked up at him. "Fiyero went to the library to see if he could find a book to help, and I guess you fell asleep soon after. I've been here for about twenty minutes."

She offered a simple nod, sitting up further, occupying yourself by staring blankly at the book, watching as the words turned into a blur as Boq murmured the words in his literature as he read them.

"Are you all set?" Boq asked as you moved onto the next chapter.

"Oh! Yes, of course."

"Good thing you're always so prepared, we'll be sat in the examination hall in less than twenty four hours," Boq explained, before turning to Elphaba, noting that her expression had turned to one of fear. "Elphaba, did you hear what I just said?"

"What if I'm not ready yet?" The emerald girl blurted out before she could stop herself, standing to go and refill her empty coffee cup from the kitchen area of Fiyeo's luxury dormitory. Fiyero walked in as she was pouring the caffeinated beverage into her cup, Boq now going to stand next to her, reaching up to place a hand on her shoulder, which this time, she shrugged off.

"Come on Elphaba, you're always so eager about these things. You need to remember that determination and get into that mode again by tomorrow. Doubting yourself isn't going to do you any favours right now."

"Boq, quit babying the girl," The Prince interjected, sitting back down and crossing one leg over the other. "She knows she can do it, I've seen her in our sessions."

"But I won't be in a regular study session tomorrow, Fiyero." The girl spat out, leaning against the kitchen countertop, taking a long sip of her drink.

"Elphaba!" The boy suddenly snapped, taking the two other students aback. "Quit acting so damn nervous. I've seen you. You're the smartest person I know, and I am not letting you talk yourself into such nonsense. Besides, I need your help. I need you, Elphaba, so you can quit the excuses." Fiyero exclaimed, not so much angry at her being unable to help, but genuinely... upset at how she was putting herself down, as if it wasn't possible to see her intelligence.

Boq glanced over at Fiyero with a torn expression. He could see where his friend was coming from... almost. He knew that he was irritated that someone who had become so close to him didn't believe in herself when he saw such potential in her, and knew what she was capable of. But he was stressed for her, which never helped him to control his anger. Sure, it could be easy to handle, but he wanted this exam to go perfectly for her so she could prove to herself that she could do it. Boq took another look at Elphaba, noticing how the hand gripping the cup slowly began to tremble.

"Hey, come on Elphaba, you know this." Boq spoke softly as Fiyero rolled his eyes.

 _But I don't,_ Elphaba mused as she focused on the two boys encouraging her (albeit, in their own ways), on one hand wanting their protection, but dreading their presence as suddenly, she became very aware of what was about to happen.

Within a few steps towards the table, the all-too-familiar pins and needles sensation began to spread up her arms and legs, forcing her to pause, remaining frozen on the spot. After Fiyero and Boq began to get back to what they were doing, Boq walking back over to the bed to sit and read, they realised some time after that she was not accompanying them. Boq turned around, just as she let the first tear fall from her eye.

"Are you okay?!" Boq asked softly, hurriedly walking over to assess the situation, startling her. She inwardly cursed herself for appearing so _weak_ in front of people. She had let her guard down, and that meant that she had failed.

"Boq, she doesn't need help. Come on, Elphaba."

Her feet remained firmly planted on the ground, the numb feeling in them feeling like roots physically holding her to the spot. That was when she let out her first choked breath.

"Okay, okay, Fiyero, we're stopping. No more studying today."

She watched as Fiyero's expression turned to one of horror. For all he knew, she could be dying, having a heart attack. And to her, that's how it physically felt. As far as she was concerned, it wasn't too far off from the truth. She could detect the guilt he currently felt, nodding as he helplessly watched.

 _Look what you've done now. You've made him feel guilty for something that isn't his fault. You truly are a terrible person._

The mere thought was what officially set her off, labouring her breaths as she desperately tried to gasp in some air. That was what snapped the boys into action.

Fiyero quickly grabbed the work they were doing, putting it out of sight, while Boq went to put an arm around Elphaba's back to guide her to a seat safely, causing her to jerk forward in response.

"Don't touch me!" she cried out. If he touched her, she would faint, she felt.

"Okay, its okay. Are you okay to walk?" The young man whispered, and she nodded in response. "Alright there Elphaba, you walk in front of me, and if your legs give in, I've got you, okay?" The response he got was another nod not like he expected much else.

As efficiently as possible, the short boy got her to sit down on one of the chairs in front of the (now clear) table. The solid oak surface in front of her felt restricting on her already starving lungs, and Fiyero winced in sympathy as tears started to roll down her face at full force. "It'll be okay, Elphaba. I promise." Fiyero reassured from the other side of the room as Boq took a seat next to her, from a respectable distance. The movement, the chaos around her injected adrenaline into her system, shooting her out of her seat and carrying her legs into the bathroom, slamming the door.

 _Now you've done it. You had done so well at hiding it before, and you've ruined it. You've put your weakness on show, you have made your friends think you're a crazy person who can't handle a simple exam._

"Elphaba, please open the door!" Boq called out, going to bang on the door, but refraining at the last moment, realising it would only distress her more. Fiyero, meanwhile, sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.

"No!" She screamed out between the choked bursts of air. "Y-You just d-don't get it-t!" She cried, the sentence sounding forced out and fast as she put up the fight against your body.

"What don't I get, Elphaba?"

But she couldn't explain what he didn't get, she physically couldn't, because _oh help,_ she couldn't breathe, and there was little to no air in this bathroom, she could see it draining out and she didn't know what to do besides sink down to the floor, back against the door as she hunched over, desperately trying to feel as though the room was bigger and she had a big space. She needed a safe space.

"I lied..." She yelped out in a broken voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I said I could do it and I _couldn't_!" She practically screamed as her laboured breathing took over. "I c-c-can't even f-function properly!"

She was hyperventilating. And that was the final straw for Fiyero.

"Let me try." He announced, marching over to the door, his expression softening as he finally reached his destination. "She might think we're overcrowding her."

"Noted. I'm going to give you two a moment," Boq understood, heading out of the room. "I'll see you guys later."

"Elphaba, it's just me. This is a safe space. Please, open the door."

"I _can't_!"

"Come on lovely, I know you can. I believe in you."

"You b-believed I was strong a-a-and I've let you down..."

"No, you haven't let me down at all Elphaba, I swear. I still believe you can do it but we're going to take it as slow as you want. Can you be really brave for me and open the door?"

The only response Fiyero received was the click of a lock. As Elphaba opened the door, she was greeted with the now sheepish boy standing nearby, with outstretched arms. She hesitated, before fresh tears streamed. She ran into the boy's embrace.

Admitting defeat, she rested her head on his strong shoulder. Instantly, but gently, he wrapped both arms around her. Unable to help it, she let out a painful series of gasps, Fiyero quick to try and settle them. "Shh, shh." He murmured comfortingly as she openly expressed the pain she was in, gently moving one hand to her hair and placing one hand on her back, beginning to rub it in slow circles. He was so desperate to get the emerald girl feeling safe again that it was almost as if he was trying to pump some air back into her misbehaving lungs. And it almost worked, as once she gave in to accept the help being offered, she started to feel just a little bit less trapped. Giving in to something was not the same as giving up on something, she slowly realised as Fiyero gently began to sway the both of them side to side, rocking the pair in a soothing motion.

" _Breathe_ , Elphaba." Fiyero whispered as he repeated the steady motion on her back. It wasn't a command. It was a plea. Fiyero wasn't in his 'tough' mode, where he had to put on a certain facade, as he thought it was the only way to maintain a status. He was just full of... genuine concern. A part of Fiyero knew he was unable to protect her from the anxiety she would undoubtedly be continuing to face. And that killed him.

It was easier said than done. Elphaba knew that. The simple request just seemed so... impossible, as ridiculous as it sounded. And words, no matter how soothingly they were spoken, were not something that could physically cure. But it was Fiyero, and he thought that it would help. And it did. Because sometimes, it doesn't take somebody to understand completely what is going on to help a person. It just takes someone to understand you're hurting. And that's enough.

"How do you feel about moving to sit down somewhere?" Fiyero whispered after a few minutes of gentle comfort. "You don't have to try to speak if you're not ready to. Nod for yes." And she did. So Fiyero guided her over to his bed, sitting her on the edge next to him. As her vulnerable frame hunched over, Fiyero went back to rubbing her back.

"Are you feeling sick?"

"No." She whispered, slowly beginning to gain the ability of speech back.

"There we are, you're starting to look a lot more at ease. You're being so brave."

She did _not_ feel brave at all. But the words were not patronising coming from his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Fiyero."

"Bullshit. You have nothing to be sorry for." He responded, slowly guiding her to sit upright. "There we are, let's get some more air in." He soothed, laying a soft kiss on her head, pressing lightly as to not make her feel restrained. "I need to apologise. I was being... awful. I didn't realise, I didn't take it seriously, I... I just didn't think. You cannot control what just happened to you, okay? Come on, let's show that anxiety who's the boss." He encouraged, starting to mimic some deep breaths, getting her to follow suit.

"This isn't your first one, is it?

"No."

"Elphaba..."

"I didn't want you to think of me as weak." Another shaky breath in. She watched as her hands jerked and flinched of their own accord while she focused solely on getting the inhaling and exhaling to a normal rate.

"Never. This changes nothing. Now, I just know what's going on so we can get it fixed sooner, okay? I just wished you'd let me know. Or Galinda."

 _Galinda._ She was going to miss Galinda so much, and now it was impacting her the most. Elphaba responded by lowering her head in shame.

"What did I say? It's not your fault. If you felt like you couldn't tell us, we must have done something or acted some way to make you feel like it."

"It isn't that."

"I think we should talk about it in the morning. You don't need to be thinking about that right now, okay? We can discuss if you would like to see a doctor or get some medicine tomorrow, but you're in total control. We're not treating you any differently."

"...I like that idea." She admitted, and Fiyero grinned. She was starting to gain her voice back. It was barely there, she was so frightened that it was almost non-existent, but it was _Elphaba's voice,_ and that made it strong.

"Do you feel like you want to have a nap?"

"I am n-not a child, I don't need a nap."

"Okay, I hear you, no nap. How about the two of us just lay down and take it easy? Does that sound better?"

"It does."

"Brilliant," He smirked, going over to his shelf and tracing his finger over the spines of a few books. "When my little sister was younger, all I wanted to do was read her a bedtime story every night. I just wanted to give her... I don't know, something..."

"Consistent?"

"Yes! That. I wanted to give her something consistent in her life, y'know? We come from royalty, so it's not easy. ...It sounds like such a hard life, I know." The boy rolled his eyes with a little smile sarcastically, when he realised the context of what he said, especially knowing the girl's history. "What I mean is, a little girl needs attention and love from her parents. And don't get me wrong, we're both loved, very much, it's just that mother and father didn't always have time for a bedtime story." He rambled on, hoping the one-sided conversation was putting her mind at ease. "So I wanted to be there for her, and give her a sense of... I don't know..."

"N-Normality?"

"Yes, that! But all I could manage was picture books, where I could explain what was happening in the pictures. They were normally old legends of our hometown, so I would point at all of the pictures of fantasy beasts and make up names for them, describing what they were like, as if I knew what I was doing. Telling her how they would protect her when I wasn't around." He let out a little smile, pondering how he was away from her at a prestigious University, and how he would make her proud, because he had someone amazing to actually guide him to pass his examinations. "I like to think my reading has improved since I was ten years old. My sister finally got old enough to teach me how to read herself." Elphaba managed to emit a small laugh.

"She reminds me of you. She's a fighter like you. My sister has such a thirst for knowledge that I never thought another person could have until I met you. I'd like to take you home so you can meet her. Mother and father, too." He didn't notice the blush that crept up on her face as he glanced at the books.

"How about we test out my skills and I read to you for a while? it's just that, I don't have many reading books of my own. There are a few of Boq's here..."

"So m-make something up. I-I want to h-h-hear stories about dragons and other beasts." She whispered tiredly, allowing for Fiyero to get situated on the bed before she laid with her head in his lap. "This doesn't make me a child, I hope you're aware of that."

"Of course not," The prince assured, stroking her raven hair for a few moments, closing his eyes and thinking for a moment as she allowed her eyes to flutter shut.

"Well, it wasn't actually a dragon. It was a wyvern. His name was Incinerator, and he was the protector of our home. He lives under the bed and he's the protector of anxiety. His favourite colour is orange..."

Within the first few sentences, she was out like a light.


End file.
